"Ughh" I breathed out loud closing my diary and, filling in yesterday’s entry. Same shit, new day, and another argument with Safaree.
I literally can't with him anymore, we were already on a rough path and it just got worse because I’m pregnant, with his baby. Oh, and let’s not forget he doesn't know about it at all. I feel like shit for holding such a big secret from him, he's such a good friend to me and I know even if this wasn't his baby he'd still help me out. So why can't I tell him? Because, I’m stuck in the past. There's a part of me that feels like he'll have that same look on his face when I told him I was pregnant back in high school.
*Knock knock knock*
"Safaree!!!!"
*Knock knock knock*
"SAFAREEEEEEE!!!"
The door swung open, and suddenly the
smell of weed hit my nose. Standing there was the one and the only Laron
martin; my annoying ass ex. He eye balled me and spoke.
"What you want?" I looked
at him like he was crazy
"I want my time back that I
wasted with you and your lil dick."
"Oh word? Because last year when
you were a sophomore you loved this lil dick." I got close to him and
grabbed his balls as hard as I could.
"Don't speak to me that way
ever! I wasn't some little hoe, ok? Now before I start laying all your shit
out, get the fuck away from the door and let me in." He cringed in pain
and moved away from the door, allowing me to enter. "Yea That's what I thought," I
made sure I did the sexiest walk away in my ripped jean shorts, so that he knew
what he was missing.
When I Got in Safaree's apartment
there was fog everywhere! I knew this wasn't an Environment that I needed to be
in considering my state at the moment, but I needed to talk to him. There were
dudes in every corner smoking a joint. Where the hell is Safaree? When I
couldn't find him I tapped Sean, who is one of his good friends.
"Hey Sean, do you know where
Safaree is?" I questioned.
"Hey lil thickie," I
blushed.
Although Sean is older then me he's
always Lowkey flirting with me.
"Haha, but nahh, last time I saw
him he was right...." He was cut off when Safaree ran up behind me and
grabbed my hips. I turned around to face him and laid my hands on both sides of
his face.
"Hey babe" I said with the
most excitement. I pecked him on the lips.
"Hey baby" he replied
"I missed you," I smiled as
he began a trail of kisses down my neck. God I love this boy. I was smiling so
hard.
"Ayo SB" Sean interrupted
our moment.
"You got a good girl in your
hands, you betta get that ass pregnant FAST." Safaree laughed but I
didn't. That's when I remembered what I was here for. I spoke again,
"Safaree....babe I need to talk
to you," he continued to suck on my neck. I tried to pry myself away from
his grasp.
"Safaree stop, I seriously need
to talk to you," he ignored Me again and grabbed my ass Tightening his
grip on me. And Sean was right there I was so embarrassed. I pushed him off of
me.
"GOT DAMN IT SAFAREE I SAID STOP!"
he looked up at me With a blank expression.
That's
when I realized that he's high. I want to punch him right now! Why is he
hanging with these dudes getting high. He's about to go to college next year
and he's acting like this. I pulled his arm and walked into his bed room,
"I need to tell you something, and
it's important so sit down." He lazily walked to the bed and sat down
while watching me with my back to the door making sure no one came in.
"First off why are you
high?" I questioned him, and He smiled
"Because I'm just relaxing, Why
you want one?" he pulled out a blunt.
"Nah, I'm getting away from that
shit and you should too," He just rolled his eyes.
"What you call me in here for
anyways cause i'm busy ma!"
"Ma? You talk to your girlfriend
like that now?” I asked annoyed.
"Woah there! When did I say you
were my girl?" I looked at him confused.
"You mean to tell me this whole
time You've been...."
I snapped
back into reality when my phone lit up and it was a text from TT. Even though
I’m mad at TT, I’m still inviting her to come with me. She’ll give me the
strength and guidance I know I need. She agreed to go with me to the clinic to
see if I'm pregnant or not. I know it's going to be hard, because this time
around I’m feeling way more attached to the baby. I know I haven't had a
doctor’s appoint yet to make sure that I’m pregnant, But It kind of feels like…
it’s meant to be. But all that doesn't matter, because Today is the day of my
doctor’s appointment/abortion. I have to stay strong.
Safaree POV
Its been Seconds, minutes, hours, days and a week has passed and she still hasn't told me. I swear I'm going crazy. I know I'm freaking out so What the HECK is going through her head right now? She's still been acting really shifty and I’m 95% sure it’s because of the baby. I don’t know why she doesn't just tell me. It’s not like we didn't know it could have happened. We got drunk, had unprotected sex and there was a possibility she could have gotten pregnant and she did. And that’s what it is, it’s not her fault. We both made a mistake. Although to me it’s not a mistake.
I lover her and I know she loves me....well I’m starting to doubt that right now. All Nicki does is eat, sleep and shower. She barely comes out of her room and she won’t leave the house and she’ll avoid me at all costs. The way she looks at me with those eyes scare me. She looks at me as if I destroyed her....I don't understand it. That baby was created through love. Why can't she see that? That woman is my other half so I know when my baby is hurting. Although, I'm mad at her I need to go comfort her, what kind of husband would I be if I gave up on her...........Wait? I just said husband......ugh I need to earn that title soon. Let me go check on her.
--------------
He immediately ran up stairs and right before he was about to enter, he heard a low voice.
"Yea TT.... Just wait for me ok?" He overheard her say.
"Wait for what?" He wondered.
Safaree POV
Its been Seconds, minutes, hours, days and a week has passed and she still hasn't told me. I swear I'm going crazy. I know I'm freaking out so What the HECK is going through her head right now? She's still been acting really shifty and I’m 95% sure it’s because of the baby. I don’t know why she doesn't just tell me. It’s not like we didn't know it could have happened. We got drunk, had unprotected sex and there was a possibility she could have gotten pregnant and she did. And that’s what it is, it’s not her fault. We both made a mistake. Although to me it’s not a mistake.
I lover her and I know she loves me....well I’m starting to doubt that right now. All Nicki does is eat, sleep and shower. She barely comes out of her room and she won’t leave the house and she’ll avoid me at all costs. The way she looks at me with those eyes scare me. She looks at me as if I destroyed her....I don't understand it. That baby was created through love. Why can't she see that? That woman is my other half so I know when my baby is hurting. Although, I'm mad at her I need to go comfort her, what kind of husband would I be if I gave up on her...........Wait? I just said husband......ugh I need to earn that title soon. Let me go check on her.
--------------
He immediately ran up stairs and right before he was about to enter, he heard a low voice.
"Yea TT.... Just wait for me ok?" He overheard her say.
"Wait for what?" He wondered.
"TT
it's just a damn clinic they're not strict on coming on time for appointments
okay! So just wait I'm bouta leave soon just let me go down stairs and
drink....." He didn't stick around to hear the rest of the convo he ran to
the basement to the soundproof studio and waited till he heard Nicki in the
kitchen. He began to get dressed because he was going to that appointment with
Nicki. Whether she knew it or not. He picked up his phone and dialed TT's
number.
"GALI WHAT IT DO" TT yelled through the phone.
"T, I don't have a lot of time ok. But I know you always have my back, so let me just say this. I know Nic is pregnant & yes I know it's mine. Don't ask how I know I'll tell you later. But just know I'm following Nic to the clinic & I'll call you when I get there, but don't tell her a thing. Understand?" There was silence on the other end TT was shocked.
"T!!!" He called out for her
"Um yea...yea I'm here, but how do you know all of this? We need to talk." He heard Nic's footsteps upstairs indicating she was now in the kitchen so he cut his convo short.
"Yea I know, but I gotta go bye!" He crabbed his keys and t-shirt that he would put on later and ran up stairs. When he entered the kitchen, he saw nic and his heart sank. Her hair was in a messy bun and she happened to be wearing on of his VVS shirts & some leggings. He missed her presence in a positive light. Although her back was turned to him because she was drinking some water, he could tell she was tired and hadn't been feeling well. He heard her glass hit the table and began to get nervous.
"OH SHIT" she screamed in shock.
"What the fuck SB why you standing there like a creep."
He knew that this was going to be a hard conversation because she only called him by "SB" when she was angry with him.
"Nic we need to talk"
"Nooo.....you need to put on a damn shirt on. Plus we already know how well talking went last time," she brushed past him but he wasn't letting her go that easily.
"STOP." he pulled her arm a little too hard. She caught her balance by placing her hands on his chest. It was silent. She looked up at him wanting to give up the front but she didn't. When she realized where her Hands weren't she quickly backed away.
"DON'T YELL AT ME!" She shouted.
" I'm sorry.... my bad" Safaree replied barely above a whisper.
"No i'm the sorry one! You know what? Get out my face. I really can't fucking stand to look at you anymore. You disgust me."
"GALI WHAT IT DO" TT yelled through the phone.
"T, I don't have a lot of time ok. But I know you always have my back, so let me just say this. I know Nic is pregnant & yes I know it's mine. Don't ask how I know I'll tell you later. But just know I'm following Nic to the clinic & I'll call you when I get there, but don't tell her a thing. Understand?" There was silence on the other end TT was shocked.
"T!!!" He called out for her
"Um yea...yea I'm here, but how do you know all of this? We need to talk." He heard Nic's footsteps upstairs indicating she was now in the kitchen so he cut his convo short.
"Yea I know, but I gotta go bye!" He crabbed his keys and t-shirt that he would put on later and ran up stairs. When he entered the kitchen, he saw nic and his heart sank. Her hair was in a messy bun and she happened to be wearing on of his VVS shirts & some leggings. He missed her presence in a positive light. Although her back was turned to him because she was drinking some water, he could tell she was tired and hadn't been feeling well. He heard her glass hit the table and began to get nervous.
"OH SHIT" she screamed in shock.
"What the fuck SB why you standing there like a creep."
He knew that this was going to be a hard conversation because she only called him by "SB" when she was angry with him.
"Nic we need to talk"
"Nooo.....you need to put on a damn shirt on. Plus we already know how well talking went last time," she brushed past him but he wasn't letting her go that easily.
"STOP." he pulled her arm a little too hard. She caught her balance by placing her hands on his chest. It was silent. She looked up at him wanting to give up the front but she didn't. When she realized where her Hands weren't she quickly backed away.
"DON'T YELL AT ME!" She shouted.
" I'm sorry.... my bad" Safaree replied barely above a whisper.
"No i'm the sorry one! You know what? Get out my face. I really can't fucking stand to look at you anymore. You disgust me."
Those words
cut him. He was defeated and began to walk out the door. Before he was
completely out the door he spoke again,
"I'm going to a meeting I'll be back later...not that you care just thought I might tell you out of respect" he slammed the door shut, hopped in his Bentley and drove off. Little did she know He was two steps ahead of her, and on his way to the doctors.
*Back in the house*
Nicki flinched at the sound of the door slamming. Tears began to fill her eyes once again. Those last words cut her deep & She whispered to herself.
" I'm such a screw up" she whined trough her tears.
"I'm trying to make him feel all my pain when it's not all his fault. Now he actually believes that I don't care about him." She hugged herself and took a moment.
"I need to get this situation over with"
Only bringing her phone and keys, She wasted no time leaving the house & pulling off.
Nicki's POV
Before, I knew it, it was 10:59 and I found myself at the clinic, 11mins early. I have to make my decision. I called TT to find out where she is. Thank God for her cause I don’t think I can do this without her.
“ Honey pie? where you at?” Her voice blared into the phone.
“I’m in the parking lot, where are you? I have ten mins till show time!”
I said trying not to show the pain in my voice. But I don't think she liked my nonchalant attitude.
“I’m at the receptionist.”
“Alright, I’m coming. See you in a sec”.
As I get out the car and locked the door I felt a sudden urge to be sick. Continuing walking to the door I see TT with a cheesy ass grin on her face.
“What you smiling for? Does this seem like a happy occasion to you?” I chuckled at her ugly self.
“Ugh! YEAH. I get to see my god child for the first time!”
“Yeah yeah yeah, if you say so. I need to go sign in. But let me make it clear what ever happens today let me make my own decisions including when I'm going to tell safaree." She huffed.
"Trust me honey child you don't need to tell him," she mumbled something but I didn't hear her.
"What did you say?" I questioned her
“Nothing! but whatever. When you see that baby on the screen everything is going to fall into perspective. Even though I won't let you have an abortion, you are gonna wish you never even thought about killing that innocent child, made from love. And you know what else you're gonna do?" She getting on my nerves if I knew she was gonna preach I wouldn't have brought her. I rolled my eyes & answered.
"What?"
"Put yourself through the same situation as last time. You had me but, you were still alone, because the person who you needed most, you never told. So he couldn't help you, and if you continue you’re gonna find yourself back in that place, even if you do keep the baby.”
Even though I knew TT was right I'm not gonna admit it. I really need to think about this. Safaree deserves to know about his son. It still kills me every day that he doesn't know about him. And what I did. I killed our son because of my own selfish reasons. I wish I never did it. I don’t want Safaree to hate me.
“Hey TT?” I looked up slowly.
“Yes Nika?” She looked at me like she was trying to read me.
“I’ve made my decision…”
COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT!!!!! I'LL POST A SNIPPET TOMORROW SO STAY POSTED!!! AND THE FOURTH CHAPTER WILL BE COMING TO YOU SHORTLY AFTER.
"I'm going to a meeting I'll be back later...not that you care just thought I might tell you out of respect" he slammed the door shut, hopped in his Bentley and drove off. Little did she know He was two steps ahead of her, and on his way to the doctors.
*Back in the house*
Nicki flinched at the sound of the door slamming. Tears began to fill her eyes once again. Those last words cut her deep & She whispered to herself.
" I'm such a screw up" she whined trough her tears.
"I'm trying to make him feel all my pain when it's not all his fault. Now he actually believes that I don't care about him." She hugged herself and took a moment.
"I need to get this situation over with"
Only bringing her phone and keys, She wasted no time leaving the house & pulling off.
Nicki's POV
Before, I knew it, it was 10:59 and I found myself at the clinic, 11mins early. I have to make my decision. I called TT to find out where she is. Thank God for her cause I don’t think I can do this without her.
“ Honey pie? where you at?” Her voice blared into the phone.
“I’m in the parking lot, where are you? I have ten mins till show time!”
I said trying not to show the pain in my voice. But I don't think she liked my nonchalant attitude.
“I’m at the receptionist.”
“Alright, I’m coming. See you in a sec”.
As I get out the car and locked the door I felt a sudden urge to be sick. Continuing walking to the door I see TT with a cheesy ass grin on her face.
“What you smiling for? Does this seem like a happy occasion to you?” I chuckled at her ugly self.
“Ugh! YEAH. I get to see my god child for the first time!”
“Yeah yeah yeah, if you say so. I need to go sign in. But let me make it clear what ever happens today let me make my own decisions including when I'm going to tell safaree." She huffed.
"Trust me honey child you don't need to tell him," she mumbled something but I didn't hear her.
"What did you say?" I questioned her
“Nothing! but whatever. When you see that baby on the screen everything is going to fall into perspective. Even though I won't let you have an abortion, you are gonna wish you never even thought about killing that innocent child, made from love. And you know what else you're gonna do?" She getting on my nerves if I knew she was gonna preach I wouldn't have brought her. I rolled my eyes & answered.
"What?"
"Put yourself through the same situation as last time. You had me but, you were still alone, because the person who you needed most, you never told. So he couldn't help you, and if you continue you’re gonna find yourself back in that place, even if you do keep the baby.”
Even though I knew TT was right I'm not gonna admit it. I really need to think about this. Safaree deserves to know about his son. It still kills me every day that he doesn't know about him. And what I did. I killed our son because of my own selfish reasons. I wish I never did it. I don’t want Safaree to hate me.
“Hey TT?” I looked up slowly.
“Yes Nika?” She looked at me like she was trying to read me.
“I’ve made my decision…”
COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT!!!!! I'LL POST A SNIPPET TOMORROW SO STAY POSTED!!! AND THE FOURTH CHAPTER WILL BE COMING TO YOU SHORTLY AFTER.
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