Chapter 5: Opening up

I’m back!! What’s up guys? This is chapter 5! Hope you enjoy it! I'll be working on chapter 6 soon! It won't be such a long wait this time! Comment comment comment! :D

TT POV
The car was silent. I'm driving as fast as I can to get Nicki home because I know she's slowly breaking down. It's almost like I can feel her heart shattering. I glance at her for a quick second, she's in the same position still eyes and her body is just limp. She's emotionless not one hint of an expression on her face. I've never ever seen her like this. This is something new and I don't like it…I'm worried. Switching my view from the road and back to Nic once again I glanced at her and spoke.

"Nic...Nika...babe Its going to be ok alright...?" She didn't respond as I expected.

"I'm gonna stay here in LA with you for as long as you need me. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you..." Silence once again.

"I love you...." I patted her thigh giving her reassurance.

"You love me too right? Sike who am kidding err body love me...c'omon nic you know you love me stop frontin'" I smiled trying to lighten up the conversation but my smile quickly faded when I saw absolutely no response.

"Ok lemme get you home...so you can rest" I whispered more to myself rather than to her.

As I continued down the familiar road close to nic's house we got stopped at the light. It's so uncomfortable because this isn't the type of hurt I can comfort her. Ugh! When the light turned green I sped off once again when my phone started to ring. It was him. I ignored the call for the third time.

Safaree kept calling my phone. I woulda thought he had enough sense not to call me knowing I was in the car with nic in her state. But I'm not surprised because he freaking loves nic so he must be scared shitless right now. I just don’t know what to tell him. I have no idea how this whole thing is gonna turn out......Wait. Why am I telling him.? It’s not even my job but I don’t know how Nicki expects to go through this on her own. I'll never understand Why she always gotta get her self into this shit. she needs to stop keeping things a secret from him it never benefits her.

Safaree knows that there is a baby or well now in this case was but i'm going to make her talk because damn it i'm tired Of being the messenger between it all. If I’m thinking it’s all too much I can't imagine how Nicki and Safaree feel. It’s like they are worlds apart.

Nicki POV
I just stared out the window. Not saying a word. I can't believe this is happening to me right now. Here I was stressed 24/7 about what I would do with this baby and now I go to the doctors and they tell me I'm not even pregnant and That it was a false test. To hear those words... man...I didn't know what to do when I heard that. I know I'm supposed to be happy because I was going to send my child back to God anyways but right now happy is the LAST thing I am. Nor am I relieved. Deep in my heart I didn't want to go through with the abortion I couldn't kill that child......especially not after my last abortion in high school.....my little precious baby boy Jordan....I failed as a mother to him. The one person he felt comfortable with & safe with just turned on him & his father denied him too .....

*Flash back*

"why you call me in here anyways cause i'm busy ma!"

"That's no way to talk to your girl friend. Plus..." He cut me off

"Woah there! when did I say you were my girl?" I was taken aback . Is he being for real?

"What do you mean? we've made love countless times now" He looked at me with a yea so what? Face

"So are you telling me this whole time You've been...."

"I've been what? Lying to you? Nah I've been hit with that too many times. I ain't never lied to no woman but I never told you I would only be hittin you."

I was so pissed but more hurt than angry he made me feel worthless.

"Well, you've showed your true colors and at least I know who you are now..... so in that case.....we're done... Don't come to my house, DO NOT come to pick me up for school, and don't you EVER call me to "hang" out again. Because we both know we doing way more than hanging out."

And with that I headed to the door ready to leave but then he spoke again.

"WHAT? look Nic I wasn't sayin all of dat. Okay. I was just saying I mess around a lot that's all! But you're one of my favorite girls you should know that baby."

One of his favorites? He thinks I'm supposed to be ok with that? He's fucking stupid. I turned around now facing him again.

"Safaree as much as you think that's supposed to sound good, it doesn't. I just want you to answer me this....do you love me?"

"Hell yea I love you Nika, and you should already know that."

He grabbed a hold of both of my hands but I just looked up to the ceiling trying to hold back my tears.

" I tell you all the time that I do. Do you not believe me or something?"

I gripped his hands tighter and pulled them towards me so he could stand up. He looked down at me like he always did when we had serious conversations. I slowly looked up at him and asked.

"Because you love me you'd accept all my flaws & mistakes right?" A tear escaped my eye causing me to look back down at my shoes in shamefulness. He sensed me getting nervous... He pulled me into a hug resting his hands on my hips.

"We've shared everything together & you told me all your flaws & I'm still here ain't I ?"

His hands slowly glided down to my butt and my head resting on his chest.

"Would you ever want kids with me" I said barely above a whisper.

"Hmm? .....What was that ? I couldn't here you"

I spoke up louder

" I Said....would you ever want to have kids with me?"

He loosened his grip on me. I'm nervous.....I stepped back and looked him in the eyes.

"I mean you know....like...in the future...when were older" I said trying to sound convincing.

"Nah what I want kids for? Plus that's just a way for women to trap you. I mean no disrespect but I mess around too much to be Havin kids. I'll be like this forever. OG probably till the death of me."

That is my cue. I walked up to him. Grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him with everything in me. And he kissed me back with the same emotion. He gripped my ass and Picked me up. Losing myself in the moment I wrapped my legs around his waist and slid my tongue In his mouth. He followed the same motion and our tongues wrestled with each other. He sucked my tongue and broke the kiss looking at me. He spoke.

"Let's go upstairs and Finish this."

"No" I laid my head on his shoulder and kissed his neck.

" I have to go....." And with that I got down and began to head out.

"You sure? Cause I know how you hate staring something without me finishing it."
I chuckled. Why do I love this boy so much? I will never know but right now I need to do the grown up thing.

"Yea, I'm sure"

He shrugged his shoulders "Alright, you don't wanna come w/me to mama's house to eat? Cause I got the munchies like crazy"

I didn't even bother to look back at him. I just walked out and shut the door. I don't think he understands that I was also shutting the door on our relationship.

*********

This feeling is just all too familiar. This is actually happening, and I don't like it. I sat there in the same position as I saw TT's pitiful ass eyes look at me for the billionth time.

Fuck her and the doctors. I know I’m pregnant I feel it, I just do. I don't care what the doctor says I’m going to have a baby by Safaree. I owe it to him. I won't take another child from him. I know what I feel, but who would believe me? The doctor knows it all right? Wrong. I’m pregnant. And I guess It's just gonna be my word against theirs.

Safaree POV
“Oh my FUCK.” What the hell was going on back there. Why did my baby look like that, She's in so much pain I can feel it. What the hell was Nicki not telling me?! Why is she hiding everything from me? So many damn questions I wish I had the answer to.

Does she think I’m gonna be mad? All these lies makes everything worse. This is heart breaking for me being on the outside looking in, and I can’t do nothing about it so I’m having to go through TT. Which is a start but it's not really how we should be going about things. I just want to know why Nicki feels she can’t talk me. Lord if she only knew how much I loved her. I don't even care about anything else that's happening right now. She's in pain, I should be home with her in bed, holding her for security and kissing her for reassurance of my love for her. I just wanna tell her I don't wanna just be a friends like got damn we've had sex before we should be together right now.

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” I screamed out as all the tension, frustration and anger took over me, which is no condition to be driving in. I pulled up to the house in no more than 5 minutes.

No one POV
“Come on Nicki, talk me hun, it was an easy mistake.”

TT said in a soothing matter, trying to relax Nicki. She didn't want to hear it. Everything TT was saying just went in one ear and out the other. Nicki didn't respond at all. TT Had had enough.

"Ok Nic I know this is not easy but I’m trying to comfort you but you won't speak. I mean what are you mad for anyways? Shouldn't you be happy? You were just gonna kill the child anyways." Nicki sharply stood up.


"TT I know you did not just fix your FUCKING MOUTH to say that to me"

"Yes, I did. It's the truth isn't it? My point, exactly"

"Well aren't you just the cutest most self righteous bitch in town. You think you know everything? You know NOTHING about my truth."

They both knew that was a lie because Nicki tells her everything but she knew it was going to make TT upset so she said it.

"LOOK, Nika I freaking love you okay but you keep running away from your problems and that's not gonna work ALRIGHT? You're not mad at me you're mad at yourself so you can quiet that noise. Now I know you wanted that baby, Both of us did but it was just a mistake, a false test. You're empty nothing is living within you." Nicki hates the word empty it makes her feel terrible.

“AND WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW?! HUH?! EXACTLY! NOTHING! You know not a god damn thing! you don't feel what I feel. you don't feel the pain I suffer at night when I go to sleep...."

On the other end of the house SB quickly but quietly opened the door. What He saw next was not what he was expecting to see. Nicki continued.

"She’s in there! Okay? I know she is. I know my children...they always let it be known that they're here. And I don’t care whether you believe me or not." Nicki said sitting back down. He listened but was confused now. "Children? What children? She's having twins?...woah!" Little did He know she was talking about his son.

“You’re acting like you don't remember. When we pulled up to the hospital and checked in, you was all for aborting the baby Nic!” TT shouted.

TT said in the least harsh way as possible. She didn’t mean it in a harsh way but Nicki was acting completely differently now. All her true emotions were showing and TT knew she really wanted the baby and she’s glad Nicki is finally being honest. All she needed to do now was tell Safaree. Nicki sighed and sat back down on the couch but further away from TT.

“ Ugh, I'm so confused. I want to blame someone but the blame is all on me. You just don’t understand. And you never will. Clearly you didn't know this aspect of me but just know that I would NEVER intentionally kill or harm one of my babies if I don't have to." Nicki said with a tear rolling down her cheek.

“I did know that Nic, which is why this whole argument is pointless you're fighting yourself. just stop boxing in all of your feelings, face your truths and don't look back. AND.......I guess based on what you said.....just know that I believe you.” Nicki smiled a bit.

“You do?!” Nicki asked excitement in her voice.

“Of course I do” TT said with a grin.

But in reality TT just said that because she knew it would make her feel better. She didn't know how nic felt but she saw the doctors monitor and there's no baby so she'll wait till nicki comes to terms with that.

All of a sudden Nicki and TT heard the garage door close. And they looked towards the door. And it was Safaree. He did not look happy at all.

"Hey.....uhh... you're back early."

“Look Onika cut the bullshit." T saw this was going in a bad direction so she spoke up.

"Alright well my time is over here. So I'll be downstairs....with the door locked....and the TV volume up all the way" Nicki & safaree just stared at her.

"Okay BAI" Safaree continued.

"I’m just gonna be honest. I know you Are pregnant-“ Nicki’s face immediately dropped.

“Safar-“ Nicki started but Safaree cut her off.

“NO Onika, let me finish.” Nicki nodded her head slowly.

“Onika, I saw your face when you came out of the clinic. I’m entitled to know what is happening, since i'm the father."

"And who said you were the father.? I never told you I would only be hittin you." Nicki said repeating the same words he once said to her years ago.

"Nic shut up, I'm not playing."

"Oh and I am? You should remember that line. It's a famous quote from the original Safaree Lloyd Samuels."

"What? What are you talking about?" She just glared at him. He tried to think back to what she meant that's when it hit him.

"Oh my gosh, seriously Nic? That was years ago" Safaree said never breaking their eye contact.

"Yes it was...and it was a year I'll never forget for the rest of my life." Nicki said looking down.

He didn't know how to respond. He felt bad.

"How could you be such an asshole to me?" Nicki wanted to cry again but she wouldn't.

"Nic that was the old me. You know that. I was young and stupid and I'm so sorry for hurting you like that. I didn't think it was going to hurt our relationship like that....I will forever regret saying that to you."

"It's ok.....because in the end we developed a great friendship that I cherish and wouldn't change for the world."

Hearing that just made Safaree cringe inside he hated that word friendship and he wouldn't mind if he never heard it again.

"I know, but don't try to change the subject. you should have told me from the beginning, I wouldn’t have been mad. It was just as much your fault; as it was mine. It was a drunken night. I’m not going to say mistake, because that wasn't it. We both made a choice. You should have told me. I wanted to be there for you and the baby. No matter what happened between us I would have been there for the both of you."
Safaree said then let out a long sigh.

“Safaree, I’m sorry. I’m wrong. I know I should have told you and I’m sorry. I can’t express to you how sorry I am. I just didn’t want rejection from you nor did I want to reject her. She doesn’t deserve that. But you do deserve to know that I didn’t abort our baby but apparently according to that whack ass doctoring I’m not pregnant anyways. Nothing appeared on the screen. But I know I’m pregnant. I just know it. Believe me Safaree please! Sa-“ Nicki was cut off by Safaree.

“I know you’re sorry. I’m just sorry you felt you couldn’t come to me. And Nicki … I believe you. Trust me I do. There is nothing wrong with a second opinion right?” He offered her a smile and took her hands into his. Nicki nodded her head and let the tears start rolling.

“Hey” Safaree lifted her chin with his finger.

“We’ll get through this together okay?, you got me, and TT. You’re not alone ok?” Safaree reassured Nicki and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

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